In any team, there are moments when things just don’t seem to flow smoothly. Tasks might be dropped, communication feels off, or expectations aren’t being met. When this happens, it’s often a case of interpersonal misalignment—a breakdown in understanding that can leave both parties feeling frustrated and disconnected.
Take this common example: You’ve been working on a project with a colleague, and it feels like you’re doing more than your fair share. While you’re picking up the slack, your colleague doesn’t seem to realize you’re overwhelmed. Meanwhile, you’re starting to feel resentful. Sound familiar? This is a classic case of misalignment—one that, if left unchecked, can disrupt trust and teamwork.
One of the biggest challenges of unresolved misalignment is its ripple effect. Even one strained relationship can fracture the web of trust within a team, leading to diminished collaboration and lowered morale. Interpersonal misalignment often stems from a lack of clear, assertive communication about needs and expectations. It’s easy to fall into either aggressive behavior (“I matter, and you don’t”) or passive behavior (“You matter, and I don’t”), but neither approach fosters true alignment. The key is assertive communication, which says, “I matter, and you matter.” This balance creates the foundation for finding solutions that meet the needs of both parties and moves the team forward.
However, you can’t be assertive if you aren’t clear about what you really want. In the earlier example, if you haven’t figured out what you need—whether it’s more support, clearer deadlines, or recognition—it’s hard to communicate effectively. Unfortunately, too many people focus on what they don’t want and what isn’t working. To prevent misalignment from damaging the team’s cohesion, it’s crucial to shift the focus away from these negative aspects. Instead, focus on what you do want and use that as a starting point for positive change.
One tool that is your friend in this situation is the 4 Steps of Alignment—a simple framework to help guide the conversation. Instead of focusing on past frustrations, start by making a soft proposal for the changes you’d like to see. For example, “I’ve been feeling like the workload could be more balanced, so I worked up an idea I’d like to run by you.” From there, you can open up a dialogue to co-create a solution, tweaking your approach as needed and agreeing on the next steps together. These steps—Propose, Probe, Re-Propose, and Close—are designed to help teams realign without drama.
By engaging in this kind of conversation, you can shift from frustration to collaboration. The goal isn’t to rehash the past but to move forward with a co-created solution that benefits everyone involved.
If this still feels risky or uncomfortable to do on your own, consider hiring a Certified Alignment Practitioner to coach you through the process. Their guidance can make it easier to navigate these conversations and ensure the best possible outcome for you and your team.
When colleagues take ownership of resolving misalignment, they strengthen trust and teamwork. Rather than waiting for someone else to act, invite your colleague into an alignment conversation. Propose the changes you’d like to see, probe to understand their perspective, and work together to re-propose a solution that feels right for both of you. Close the loop with clear commitments, and you’ll find that even the most frustrating misalignments can be resolved without conflict, reinforcing trust and enhancing team dynamics.
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